Trust the process…

Is a mantra we often hear and one that seems to easily roll off the tongue, but what does it mean in practice? For those of use who worked/are working in a corporate environment, this is especially difficult, as controlling the outcome was/is our mandate on a daily basis.

For me, the concept of “trusting the process” has never been more notable that in my painting practice. As you know, the past two years have been a period of exploration, learning, experimentation and discovery in my home studio. The objective was to determine my artistic style, so that I could launch myself as a “proper” artist. Last year, I evolved into a more abstract style and I started to feel that I knew what my style was. However, in art as in life, just when you think you’ve got it figured out, the universe reminds you otherwise.

In May, I returned from a walking trip in the Algarve and decided to begin my first series of paintings. Confident in the knowledge that I know what my style is, as I had filled multiple sketchbooks, I charged forward.  And…….I stalled after the first 4 pieces! 

While these may technically work, i.e. they have the 3 Cs (color, contrast and composition), they just don’t feel right. I found myself getting tense and frustrated as I tried to make these “work”, though in all honestly, I wasn’t sure what that meant. What did I see in my mind’s eye? I thought that I was creating in an abstract style, but these still felt quite representational to me. So I stopped, questioned whether I had any unique talent, whether I would ever make interesting work and whether I was really an artist.  For a few weeks I just played with my paints and started to accept that this may just only ever be a hobby.   

Through reflection, I realized that I had rushed starting the series. While I generally knew abstract expressionism is how I wanted to work, I still had more exploration and discovery to do. Instead of trusting the process, I was trying to control the outcome. So I journaled about my inspiration, ideas for the series, what colors and elements I wanted to incorporate. This helped me to focus and I realized that I needed to take the time to set the intention first, before I even pick up a paint brush. Yet, I still wasn’t quite sure what my unique voice was, but I knew that I needed to let go in order to find it.

Wasting time on social media one roasting hot day, when I didn’t want to go outside, I came across a virtual workshop from an artist that I follow and decided to try it. In truth, I didn’t learn anything that I didn’t already know and hadn’t tried before. But in that particular moment, something that I didn’t pay enough attention to, made itself known. So I tentatively tested out the idea and I felt a bit more positive. I repeated the process a few more times, stepping away when I felt frustrated. But slowly, over the past few days, I had an AH-HA moment….where everything I had tried in the past two years coalesced.  That’s not to say there isn’t more to learn and discover, but I now know that I need to stay present in the process and to trust it, as that is the way forward!