Becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable

Recently, a new friend asked for my advice, because she thought “I seemed like a person who had made good decisions in my life”. I mulled over the conversation later on, asking myself whether she was correct.  I’ve never been a reckless person, unless it comes to affairs of the heart, I guess. But that’s a story for another day! 

I’ve always tried to make rational decisions, I suppose, thinking through the consequences, so that I fully understand the risks and ways to mitigate. I’m a huge proponent of writing things down, and as a visual person, there’s just something to seeing it in black and white, that helps me with clarity. I’ve also journaled, made pro/con lists, long terms plans and short term plans. Whatever works for you, do it! If you don’t know what works, try a few methods to see what clicks. I began reading books  about “retiring early” or leaving corporate, up to a year before I took the big step; many of these include helpful exercises, check out the Resources page.

I’ll tell you what I told my friend, when she asked how I knew what was the next step and how she could get herself to that place: get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Big life changes can’t and shouldn’t be decided on a whim. They also shouldn’t be forced and you have to know that it will get painful before the breakthrough. Sit with the discomfort, the frustration with yourself for not making a decision and anger with the universe of putting obstacles in your way. I know I sound like a broken record, but trust the process!

My biggest challenge was figuring out what I wanted most in life. There were so many things that interested and inspired me, that I had trouble getting clear on which was the right path. I had known for awhile that lifestyle freedom was essential, but what did that really mean? What did I want to do? What are the essential elements for my happiness, and overall life satisfaction? I came across this simple, but very useful, exercise, back in early 2017. It’s one that you can keep going back to, as way to check in with yourself. 

Get 15 index cards, set the timer for 15 minutes and on each, write a word/phrase that describes something you truly want. Number each in order of importance, placing on a surface where you can see all cards. Follow these steps, in order, don’t skip ahead on any:

1. Life likes to keep us on our toes, so remove cards 3, 8, 11 and set aside.
2. We can’t do everything in life and must choose based on priorities, so remove 3 additional cards.
3. Our values change over time, so remove 3 more cards, picking those least likely to be important to you at age 70. 
4. Take a full minute and consider the remaining 6 cards, asking yourself if at the end of your days, whether your life would have been satisfying, if it only consisted of those 6 things.
5. If not, retrieve 4 cards from those previously eliminated, or write up 4 new cards, to get to 10 life priorities that you can work on.
6. Rearrange these 10 cards in order of importance, ensure they reflect your most important values. These may be different than original priority, so put new numbers (if necessary) to reflect.

Hope you find this helpful! If your complete this exercise, would love to hear from you…write me and let me know what you’ve learned about yourself!